Become More Self-Confident

Signs of Self-Confidence

Let's explore the meaning of self-confidence by taking a quiz. Read the list of statements below and check which ones, in your opinion, are signs of self-confidence.

1. Admitting when you are wrong.

2. Being flexible when change is needed.

3. Talking about your accomplishments.

4. Describing negative events in positive terms. For example, "We didn't make our target, but we sure learned a lot."

5. Dressing to please yourself without worrying what others will think.

6. Using a strong handshake.

7. Using casual language in an effort to avoid sounding too "corporate." For example, "You guys did a cool thing."

8. Speaking very fast.

9. Smiling often.

10. Learning new skills.

11. Putting yourself down in order to sound humble.

Compare your answers to those on the bottom of page three under "Quiz #1."

Low Self-Confidence

Part of defining self-confidence is thinking about what low self-confidence is, what it looks and sounds like. Test yourself now. Circle the statements that convey a lack of self-confidence.

1. "I may be wrong, but I think the answer is ten."

2. "Thank you for the compliment. We're very proud of our work."

3. "That was really stupid of me."

4. "I forgot my business cards. I left them in the car."

5. (Responding to a compliment) "Oh, I've had this dress for ten years."

6. "I would have gotten into the program, but they don't like to take people with my background."

7. "That sounds like a challenge. I'm sure we can figure out how to solve it, though."

8. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I wonder if I could have a minute of your time."

Compare your answers to those listed at the bottom of page three under "Quiz #2."

Where Does Self-Confidence Come From?

Self-confidence is not something people are born with. It results from a combination of factors:

1. Learned skill: Self-confidence is a combination of skills, not just a single quality. People are not born with it or without it. It can be learned.

2. Practice: Self-confidence comes from practice. It may appear to be spontaneous, but it isn't.

3. Internal locus of control: Self-confidence results from what psychologists call an internal locus (central point) of control. This means that people who are self-directing, who accept responsibility for their own results, have greater self-confidence.

8 Self-Confidence Builders

There are many concrete, specific things you can do to feel more confident in challenging life situations. Make note of those that will help you develop your own sense of self-confidence.

1. Follow your strengths. Self-confidence comes from being the best "you" possible. It doesn't come from trying to be someone else. It is the result of following paths like these:

? Do what comes naturally.

? Develop your talents.

? Follow your convictions.

? Express your own style.

2. Plan ahead. Many people are surprised to hear that self-confidence comes from something as ordinary as planning. But think about it; let's say you are going on a job interview, almost always an anxiety-producing experience. When you are prepared, you feel more confident.

3. Take action. Confidence comes from taking action. Break your challenge down into small steps and take that first step, no matter how small it seems.

4. Study. The more you know about your subject, the more confident you will feel. In fact, the lack of self-confidence almost always stems from a lack of information. We've all had that sick feeling that we don't fully understand what we are talking about.

5. Act the part. The following tips will help you begin to present yourself in a positive way.

? Find a role model. Look for someone who is already successful in your field. Observe him or her and identify for yourself what behaviors convey self-confidence.

? Look and act powerful. Watch people who create a powerful impression. It could be a TV anchor, a character in a movie, or a coworker. Imagine yourself behaving in a similar way. For an example, watch the movie Top Hat. Fred Astaire exudes confidence.

? Be aware of nonverbal behavior that detracts from presenting yourself with confidence. Ask for feedback from a trusted friend or watch yourself on videotape.

6. Rehearse for success. One of the most important ways to boost your self-confidence is by rehearsing important conversations and presentations. You can never be too prepared. These ideas will help you practice so that you really understand your subject:

? Manage your anxiety. Feeling anxious is normal when you are in a challenging situation. The key is learning to manage anxiety so it doesn't paralyze you or diminish your effectiveness.

? Get organized. When your materials are prepared and well-organized, you will feel better about your ability to access them. Having information scattered in too many places makes you feel out of control and undermines your self-confidence.

7. Persist. Self-confidence is the result of a lot of hard work. The process takes time. It has been said that success is 99% persistence and 1% talent.

8. Enjoy your success. When you reach your goal, don't forget to give yourself credit for working hard. Be proud of what you've accomplished. Here are some ways you can do this:

? Look in the mirror and say to yourself, "Good work. I'm proud of you."

? Think of a way to reward yourself.

? Tell others about your success.

? Write yourself a letter or explore your accomplishment in your journal.

? Draw a picture expressing your achievement.

Answers to Quiz #1

Items 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 9, and 10 are generally signs of self-confidence. The others could be seen as self-sabotaging behaviors.

Answers to Quiz #2

Items 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 8 communicate low self-confidence. (Of course, there are no 100% right answers, since many of the statements depend on context, tone of voice, cultural interpretation, and other factors.)

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. Garrett also offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or at 201-303-4303.

---

The American Dream ? Are We Really Free?

The promises of THE AMERICAN DREAM (to have it all... Read More

Success Secrets - The #1 Money Secret I Learned from Interviewing Over 23 Millionaires

All over the Net, people are asking you to pay... Read More

Choosing The Perfect Coach

So, you're ready to start coaching. You either have some... Read More

New Developments Make Christian Life Coaching ?The? Career Choice for Work-At-Home Professionals

I have watched for a couple years now, as my... Read More

Coaching: Change Made Simple

Here's a story that I think gets at why we... Read More

Are You Addicted to Anger?

Michael was raised in a home where anger was used... Read More

Change the Words and Change the World

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve... Read More

What The Buddha Says About Coaches

There is a Buddhist saying that goes like this: "If... Read More

How to Make $100,000 Dollars as a Personal Trainer ? Part C for Client!

My name is Greg Ryan. For the last twenty years... Read More

Why a Self Help Book May Not Help You

For a self help book to work, we have to... Read More

Are You Too Critical?

First of all, criticalness breaks up more relationships, than anything... Read More

Five Steps to Vocational Passion: A Disciplined Plan for Major Mid-life Changes

There's a famous song lyric that asks: "Is that all... Read More

Trust In The Moment, and Trust In Yourself

Do you often get yourself upset and feeling less than... Read More

Embracing Excellence

Joey rises before dawn to pack his lunch, eager for... Read More

Good, Good, Good, Good Intentions

I always do a lot of thinking about good intentions... Read More

Buyer Beware: Choose A Business Coach Carefully To Get The Results You Want

Consider this scenario. A colleague suggests you get a business... Read More

Increase Your Intelligence With Music

You Are What You Listen ToCan music really help you... Read More

Becoming An Empowered Consumer

How many times have you said to yourself?"I just wish... Read More

More Money & Less Stress?

At 2pm last Wednesday, I got a call from one... Read More

4 Underused Hot Spots for Your Personal Branding Iron

I'll never forget what my mentor told me: "Don't communicate... Read More

What Can Be Changed In Management To Improve Bottom Line Results?

If you don't have the full support and understanding of... Read More

Moment of Magic

Laughter may or may not be a shock, relieved, but... Read More

The Role of Grief Group Facilitators

Technically, there are two types of grief groups. Informational and... Read More

The Mid-Life Challenge: Make a Plan to Re-ignite Vocational Passion

Nobody will stop you in the hallway at work to... Read More

Four Common Rapport Building Mistakes and How to Fix Them

1. Pretending You Are Interested When You Are NotDo yourself... Read More