Floating In Mindfulness: Dealing With Disappointment

Feeling disappointed? It's time to float.

The time-honored approach to disappointment generally involves a fair amount of wallowing followed by a concerted effort to move on. Okay, this can work. But a more mindful approach includes an interim phase between these two. It's a unique opportunity to "float".

When things don't go our way--whether we're talking about election results, a job interview, a proposal at work, or a relationship--we naturally feel disappointed. We had hoped for the best, even expected the best (hey, we know about human motivation techniques, after all) and this apparent failure hits us pretty hard.

So, the first step is to feel the emotion. Go ahead. Mad? Frustrated? Depressed? It's okay to allow yourself to feel it. You can commiserate with others or wallow alone--it's your choice.

Now, here comes the mindfulness part:

Take one giant step back. Step away from the swirl of thoughts and emotions and simply look at it in a sort of interested bystander way. It's as though you have a clipboard and you're taking note of your response.

1) Scan your body. How does disappointment feel physically? Is it affecting your digestion, your sleep, your movement?

Scan your body for pain and tightness. Notice how your forehead feels, your cheeks, your jaw, your neck, your shoulders. Take a look at your face in a mirror. What does disappointment look like?

Continue to pass over your body mentally, noticing any pain, discomfort, tingling or tightness. Be sure to check your own personal trouble spots, whether that's your lower back, your knees, or your belly.

We tend to develop habitual physical responses to strong emotions. Make sure you are familiar with yours. Paying attention during mindful moments like this is your best defense against disease. Our hot spots can teach us a great deal, but during times of stress, we tend to focus on our thoughts instead of our bodies. Don't miss this opportunity to learn more about yours.

2) Scan your mind. Watch your thoughts go by as though you are watching a parade. No need to jump on any float as it passes. You're not the rodeo queen on a prancing horse, or the festival princess waving to the crowd. You're a spectator. Watch.

3) Separate. Whenever we are disappointed, our past disappointments bubble to the surface. Things get stirred up, and our accompanying emotion often has more to do with the cumulative effect of our lifelong disappointments than this particular one. We tend to catastrophize and lump it all together into one big fat Disappointment Package.

Don't let that happen. Look at this one incident as totally separate from the others. Each float stands alone.

4) Float. I call this the "Float between Floats" approach. Now that you are watching this parade of floats without climbing aboard any of them, turn your attention to that brief moment between them. Sure, you know another one is coming. It's not quite in front of you yet. There is nothing you can do but wait. No sense spending your time or energy setting expectations that it will be spectacular. No point in worrying that it will be disastrous. Hold that space and float in it.

Settle into mindful watching--of your body, your mind, and the world around you. It is an opportunity to go beyond wound licking. Watch as your thoughts change from "Why?" to "What can I do next?" We often jump into action--retaliatory, self-protective or simply distracting--without gleaning our most important lessons from disappointment.

The ability to "Float between Floats" will provide clarity and comfort. Use this time to develop your awareness. It will help you recognize the power of mindfulness and the endless stream of floats that pass by.

All things considered, it's one heckuva parade.

About The Author

Maya Talisman Frost is a mind masseuse offering specialized mindfulness training in Portland, Oregon. Her work has inspired thinkers in over 100 countries. To subscribe to her free weekly ezine, the Friday Mind Massage, please visit http://www.mindmasseuse.com

maya@mindmasseuse.com

UW coaching staff barely gets breather
Seattle Post Intelligencer - 50 minutes ago
The Huskies offensive coordinator swivels in his chair away from the monitor to face tight ends coach Bryan White. White stands before a whiteboard filled ...

Paterno heads class being honored at hall of fame
International Herald Tribune, France - 5 hours ago
For Paterno, it's a little bit like coaching college football. "He wrote that a captain has to learn more than anybody should ever have to learn, ...
After 59 years, Paterno still making an impact at Penn State ... South Bend Tribune
Paterno heads class being honored at hall of fame Santa Rosa Press Democrat
Where For Art Thou, Fran? PennLive.com
all 34 news articles

Hansen, Deans agree on coaching team
Stuff.co.nz, New Zealand - 10 hours ago
They coached Canterbury together and have maintained a friendship despite their careers taking them to different centres; Hansen, the All Blacks forwards ...

Coaching Club American Oaks scouting report - Horse Racing
ESPN - Jul 17, 2008
By Jeremy Plonk The Low-Down: Closing weekend at Belmont Park won't look exactly like a ghost town with the Grade 1 Coaching Club American Oaks being ...
Music Note, Little Belle highlight CCA Oaks Brisnet.com
CCA Oaks: Entrymates take fun out of betting ESPN
*SUROOR SAEED BIN Brisnet.com
all 6 news articles

Kansas City Star
Is Favre's Future in Coaching?
WBAY, WI - 5 hours ago
Favre has thrown to high school players in past off-seasons, and if the comeback doesn't work out he just might have a future in coaching.
Packers Hall Of Fame, Inc., Announces Donation Of Autographed ... Packers.com
all 67 news articles

Mathieu’s tenure at Grambling was defined by coaching hires
Monroe News Star, LA - 21 hours ago
GSU has been too busy on the coaching merry-go-round. That kept this canny fundraiser focused elsewhere, as one tempest after another seemed to rock the ...

Sky News
NZC start coaching search
Sky News, UK - Jul 17, 2008
New Zealand have begun their search for a new coach following John Bracewell's decision to return to county cricket with Gloucestershire. ...

Pressure on Wright to show his hand
Stuff.co.nz, New Zealand - Jul 17, 2008
"International cricket is the pinnacle and coaching this team for the next three or four years, that should be very exciting for the new coach. ...

Research Quantifies That, Like in Sports, Management Coaching ...
MarketWatch - Jul 17, 2008
STAMFORD, Conn., Jul 17, 2008 (BUSINESS WIRE) -- If everyone in elite-level sports uses a coach, the same should also be said for high-performance managers ...

Vincent turns down Reno D-League coaching job
Carson Times, NV - 4 hours ago
But after former NBA coach Sam Vincent declined to be the team’s first coach, owner David Kahn is back at square one. Vincent, who spent one season at the ...

Wind Chimes and more...

Windchimes for great gifts!

Are You Addicted To Your Activities?