Mr. Cheapies Frugal Budget Tips

So you feel like a hamster spinning your wheel? The faster you run, the faster the wheel spins. Just when you get a raise, you notice the price of hamster wheels jumps!

Mr. Cheapie is here with his super-charged budget-cutting tips.

One of the biggest wastes of money is restaurant meals. You can cook a meal at home for about 2 cents a plate. Just put leftovers in the microwave, and Presto!

Those same leftovers cost a lot more at a restaurant. They call it "the buffet", and they sell it to you for $10.95.

Consider also the steak dinner that costs, say, $7 at home. At the restaurant, you pay $13.95 for the same meal. Or, if you want fancy napkins, $39.95.

Plus tax.

Funny thing about eating at home; you don't pay tax. But step into a restaurant, and guess who jumps in: "Hello, my name is Taxman. I'll be your waiter tonight. Would you like to start with something to drink? Perhaps a very nice glass of wine? That will be 50 cents, plus the price of the wine, of course."

"Why would you tax my wine?" Mr. Cheapie wonders. "It's not like the government made it."

"Who do you think keeps this country free and safe so that you can enjoy your wine?" Taxman demands. "Do you think Saddam Hussein would let you drink wine if he was still in power?"

"I don't see how he could stop me."

"Hah!" Taxman replies. "He has spies everywhere. He knows you drink wine and he has targeted this very bottle to self destruct."

"Actually, I don't drink wine. His spies must run on the same technology as his scud missiles," Mr. Cheapie muses. "How about a steak dinner?"

"An excellent choice," Taxman beams. "That will be $1.73, plus the price of the meal."

"Now what?" Mr. Cheapie demands. "Are you saying that Saddam is targeting my steak."

"Of course not," Taxman giggles. "We have him locked away. But watch out for North Korea."

"Why?"

"North Koreans are starving," Taxman explains. "They don't have steaks."

"Ah, so the North Korean government wants to take my steak and give it to their citizens."

"Not a chance. That would violate the official North Korean policy of starvation for all. They would never feed your steak to the people. But they would hold it up to taunt them," Taxman grins. "Then they would throw it into the fire to fuel a nuclear missile trained on this very table you are sitting at."

"Which is why you need to tax my steak."

"Exactly," Taxman nods.

"It's like a security deposit."

"That's right," Taxman smiles.

"It's protection money."

"You understand," Taxman winks.

"It's your tip."

"That's what I sa ... no it's not! It's national defense," Taxman insists.

At home, you never have to tip the microwave. But, at the restaurant, your waiter expects 15%.

Mr. Cheapie has discovered a legal loophole to save 15% on your restaurant bill. According to a national Mr. Cheapie survey, your plate usually has 15% too much food on it. Set aside 15% of your meal. When your waiter comes to collect his tip, pay him in food. Your waiter raved about today's special, so Mr. Cheapie is sure he will appreciate having some for himself.

If Taxman is your waiter, don't actually give him the food. Just taunt him with it -- then mail it to North Korea. Then they won't have to blow up your table to get it themselves. Why pay for national defense when the postal service can protect your freedom to eat for just the cost of a stamp?

Aren't you glad Mr. Cheapie offers such useful, free advice?

About The Author

David Leonhardt - sign up for his weekly satire column up at http://www.TheHappyGuy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html or read more columns at http://www.TheHappyGuy.com/self-actualization-articles.html.

Join in the happiness at http://www.thehappyguy.com, info@thehappyguy.com

Response to "Unconditional Debt Relief is Not the Answer for ...
Ghana Dot, Ghana - Jul 7, 2008
Further, the Jubilee Act recognizes and works to end the unsustainable ‘lend and forgive cycle’ that has brought on the need for debt relief. ...
US Jubilee Act rewards past African leaders reckless behavior Ghana Dot
all 2 news articles

Nigeria: G8, Poverty And Africa
AllAfrica.com, Washington - Jul 8, 2008
We have some aid, but not enough, some debt relief but not enough and virtually nothing on trade. Once again Africa's people have been short-changed. ...

NDTV.com
Debt relief Waiving, not drowning
Economist, UK - Jul 3, 2008
In Sikandrabad one farmer could not quite believe that the pink slip he had been given released him from 25000 rupees of debt. But others did not get the ...
Banks in JK identify 34000 beneficiaries for debt relief GreaterKashmir.com (press release)
Union Bank completes farm-loan waiver, relief programme Hindu Business Line
Himachal government urges to Centre to look into debt relief ... myHimachal
Business Standard - NDTV.comall 81 news articles

Obama Donors Aren’t Rushing to Aid Clinton
New York Times, United States - 9 hours ago
... but what I think the sensible elements of good will are trying to achieve is debt relief for Hillary consistent with getting Barack elected president,” ...

Daily Star - Lebanon
Report: United Arab Emirates cancels Iraqi debt
The Associated Press - Jul 6, 2008
Iraqi officials also have been appealing for relief of at least $67 billion in foreign debt — owned mostly to Arab countries that have been reluctant to ...
UAE retires Iraqi debt Hot Air
UAE wipes out Iraq debts Aljazeera.net
all 554 news articles

Ecuador Debt Policy Hinges on Audit, New Finance Minister Says
Bloomberg - 7 hours ago
... audit will be crucial,'' Salgado, a 55-year-old economist who studied in Mexico and France, told reporters today after an event on debt relief in Quito. ...

Dhumal writes to FinMin for debt relief anomalies
Business Standard, India - Jul 3, 2008
... has sought removal of numerous anomalies in the Union government's debt relief scheme so that majority of farmers of the hill state could be benefitted. ...

Syndicate bank extends debt waiver relief to 3.93-lakh farmers
Hindu, India - Jul 2, 2008
The bank said it is confident of completing the total process of handing over debt waiver and debt relief certificates to the eligible farmers latest by ...
Kerala banks display debt waiver lists Business Standard
all 5 news articles

Hard issues hit G8
Joy Online, Ghana - 22 hours ago
Loans were approved for countries that already qualified for debt relief under the Heavily Indebted Poor Country (HIPC) Initiative. ...

$7bn debt relief
Gulf Daily News, Bahrain - Jul 6, 2008
ABU DHABI: The UAE yesterday waived Iraq's debt of nearly seven billion dollars and named an envoy to Baghdad, in a twin boost timed with a visit by Iraq's ...

Wind Chimes and more...

Windchimes for great gifts!

Debt Elimination Is The Key to Financial Freedom