If Ever It Is Me

With my father, his brother and their father having had late onset Alzheimer's I can't help but wonder if someday it will be my fate. This is what I have told my family.

If it is ever me with Alzheimer's disease please protect me. I don't want to be lost. I have a terrible fear of ever being lost. Keep me safe from those who would take advantage of my confusion. Keep me fed and clean and dry. That having been said...please don't try to keep me at home any longer than you can do it without taking a toll on your lives. If this is my fate let me be in a happy place in my mind where you are my babies and I will give you hugs and kisses even if I don't call you by name.

Let me be a part of your life but don't surrender your life for mine. I want my husband to have a wife. I don't especially want to meet her, but I do want him to keep living once I no longer understand. I want to keep as much dignity as I can for as long as I can and I want those who love me to understand that if I am not myself on the outside I am still me on the inside.

Bring me a puppy to cuddle, home made cookies to eat and soft blankets to cover me. Fill my room with pictures of my life so I can look at them and know I am loved.

Don't ask me about my life...tell me about my life. Feel free to leave out the times I wasn't at my best, or times that bring back painful memories (deaths of those I loved). Tell me about the good times.

Deborah Uetz author of Into the Mist, When Someone You Love Has Alzheimer's Disease

In The News:
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.startribune.com/entertainment/onstage/30748854.html%3Felr%3DKArks:DCiUHc3E7_V_nDaycUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aUUcid=1256233747ei=Sf3wSMrEOYmE6QPzrZH0AQusg=AFQjCNE5v_f34QTU1a0p9BDOBNVQ9JQ-kQEiko amp; Koma#39;s non-narrative of bloss/b and love/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fMinneapolis Star Tribune,nbsp;MNnbsp;-/font nobr21 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1But as they paint ravens on a floor drop, they offer a nubile kind of hope in this stage poem to the ravages of bgrief/b, confusion and bloss/b./font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd width=80 align=center valign=topfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifa href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.canada.com/topics/sports/story.html%3Fid%3De0e9d57d-e07a-4227-bcd7-7686373c681acid=1255635002ei=Sf3wSMrEOYmE6QPzrZH0AQusg=AFQjCNENXW5S9ei0AywOc0CQ_khb2bYFNAimg src=http://news.google.com/news?imgefp=o3keM1ZPe8oJimgurl=a123.g.akamai.net/f/123/12465/1d/media.canada.com/3ca29868-a2b8-4cc7-ae56-6e8c67b32770/manuel101008.jpg%3Fsize%3Dl width=80 height=80 alt= border=1brfont size=-2Canada.com/font/a/font/tdtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp%3Fymd%3D20081010%26content_id%3D3609223%26vkey%3Dps2008news%26fext%3D.jsp%26c_id%3Dmlbcid=1255635002ei=Sf3wSMrEOYmE6QPzrZH0AQusg=AFQjCNEC89A_16JUZTqXLkGEk2wD6zwy6QVictory tinged with pain of personal bloss/b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fMLB.comnbsp;-/font nobr16 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1In the context of such a critical baseball game, none of them had endured a bloss/b so significant. The world of sports has produced a few similar examples, b.../b/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.timesleader.com/sports/Amid_heart-wrenching_losses__Phillies_savor_victory_10-11-2008.htmlcid=1255635002ei=Sf3wSMrEOYmE6QPzrZH0AQusg=AFQjCNGVMrsvnNNs_f9cgDzCHzu8YFqmrwAmid heart-wrenching losses, Phillies savor victory/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrWilkes Barre Times-Leader/nobr/font/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.courierpostonline.com/article/20081011/NEWS01/810110367/1006cid=1255635002ei=Sf3wSMrEOYmE6QPzrZH0AQusg=AFQjCNF6AA_IGzT3V_aBkfx5vOLvZN4zBQMother of Phillies#39; manager dies just hours before playoff game/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrCherry Hill Courier Post/nobr/font/fontbrfont class=p size=-1a class=p href=http://news.google.com/news?sourceid=navclientie=ISO-8859-1rls=GGLG,GGLG:2005-22,GGLG:enncl=1255635002hl=ennobrall 651 news articles/nobr/a/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.goshen.edu/news/pressarchive/10-06-08-grief-seminar159.htmlcid=0ei=Sf3wSMrEOYmE6QPzrZH0AQusg=AFQjCNF-sCTdCW4iBD8Ng14ZQu-fhOyaUwEvent: Sixth annual bGrief/b Seminar: quot;Between bLoss/b and Hope: Tools b.../b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fGoshen College Newsnbsp;-/font nobrOct 6, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1GOSHEN, Ind. – The sixth annual Goshen College and Ryan#39;s Place bGrief/b Seminar, titled quot;Between bLoss/b and Hope: Tools to Cope,quot; will be held Friday, b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/how-i-got-over-devastating-death-of-one-of-my-triplets-13999864.htmlcid=0ei=Sf3wSMrEOYmE6QPzrZH0AQusg=AFQjCNGgp79YUs8R8MjBTALAL2QcMPsQtQHow I got over devastating death of one of my triplets/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fBelfast Telegraph,nbsp;United Kingdomnbsp;-/font nobr9 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1b.../b experienced the agonising bloss/b of one of her baby triplets has spoken of how a Northern Ireland charity helped her through the quot;darkest daysquot; of bgrief/b. b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.dailygazette.com/news/2008/oct/11/1011_stillbornfundraiser/cid=0ei=Sf3wSMrEOYmE6QPzrZH0AQusg=AFQjCNFiUaeEAVovFPHgFoQ32x9OXzDJrwMemorial Walk for lost babies helps with bgrieving/b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fSchenectady Gazette,nbsp;NYnbsp;-/font nobr12 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1Although close friends and family understood how much the bloss/b hurt Rozell and her husband — who got to see the baby while Rozell was too sick — society b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2008/10/11/pain-of-loss-is-factor-for-belter-laura-115875-20793311/cid=1256071344ei=Sf3wSMrEOYmE6QPzrZH0AQusg=AFQjCNHOk7nW5q2xhMr0K2gtvzMggFWQsAPain of bloss/b is Factor for belter Laura/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fMirror.co.uk,nbsp;UKnbsp;-/font nobr13 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1By Mark Jefferies 11/10/2008 Singer Laura White has revealed the bgrief/b behind her X Factor tears - the death of two close relatives. b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.tallahassee.com/article/20081011/BREAKINGNEWS/81011008cid=0ei=Sf3wSMrEOYmE6QPzrZH0AQusg=AFQjCNHXb8Gu5x39XQJMW0i1lMV6RYCkUQFamilies that have experienced infant and pregnancy bloss/b taking b.../b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fTallahassee.com,nbsp;FLnbsp;-/font nobr1 hour ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1It gives these families a chance to remember their little ones who are gone and to talk to a bgrief/b counselor. “A lot of times, friends and family don’t know b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.sbrforum.com/Previews/NCAAF/20081011NCAAFGEORGIA---0.aspxcid=1256079137ei=Sf3wSMrEOYmE6QPzrZH0AQusg=AFQjCNEcBAxQLp4OHQQ-0Z029UZGQlh1SwAfter bye week, Georgia hopes to rebound from bloss/b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fSBR Forum,nbsp;Costa Ricanbsp;-/font nobr14 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1quot;It was good for us to have a few days to reflect and get over the bgrief/b a little bit and to refocus,quot; Georgia coach Mark Richt said. The Bulldogs (4-1, b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.record-eagle.com/faith/local_story_285093350.htmlcid=1256480666ei=Sf3wSMrEOYmE6QPzrZH0AQusg=AFQjCNHert11GYIcm6aTqkrvEpKmcaeUIQReligion Calendar: 10/11/2008/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fTraverse City Record Eagle,nbsp;MInbsp;-/font nobr5 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1b.../b TC; video series discuss bgrief/b process; personal stories from others who are bgrieving/b a bloss/b, material features nondenominational Biblical teaching on b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.gazettelive.co.uk/news/teesside-news/2008/10/11/grieving-parents-hand-over-30-000-cheque-84229-22010137/cid=1256454100ei=Sf3wSMrEOYmE6QPzrZH0AQusg=AFQjCNHm_nTWzfzIn_de5fV6pec9mkfLXwbGrieving/b parents hand over £30000 cheque/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fGazetteLive,nbsp;UKnbsp;-/font nobr7 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1Richard and Tracy Clarke were devastated at the bloss/b of their only child, 10-year-old Abbie, from sudden unexplained death in epilepsy in December 2006. b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
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