The Truth About Emotional Intelligence -

Home
>
Dealing with Grief & Loss
>
The Truth About Emotional Intelligence

The Truth About Emotional Intelligence

There is so much emphasis on emotional intelligence these days that it appears that people are suppressing their emotions and problems in an effort to "fit in," to keep their jobs, and using "positive self-talk" to muscle through the rough spots in their lives.

Recently, I had a friend over who has suffered enormous job stress during a time when his wife's father was dying of cancer. Of course, quitting his job didn't seem like an option during this difficult period, particularly since his wife returned to her parental home for many months to say good-bye to her dying father. That left him at home to take care of their children, pay the bills, and so on. Who can forge positively into a new job-search with all that going on?

After his father-in-law passed away his wife returned home and he lost his job - as did many of his colleagues - and his wife decided she no longer wanted to remain married. What else could go wrong? OH! Of course! His father could be diagnosed with cancer: He was.

Now he is living a complete hell, with all of this turmoil, and two sweet children looking to him for stability. Is it any wonder that people are cracking under the strain?

He is all alone and he tries to be "emotionally together" but that only causes more harm than good. We (society), in our need for order and stability, don't want people with all these problems in our lives. We don't want them working in our office. They're broken!

Well, the truth is, our (society) expectations around emotional intelligence, and together, full-functioning adults, is what is breaking them.

I spent three hours with him the other night, acknowledging his horrific circumstances, his emotional turmoil, and gave him permission to embrace it all. He's not broken, he's experiencing emotional pain and it needs to be expressed, embraced, and worked through (processed.) It's not enough that he embrace it either. Community is required to surround, love, heal, and regenerate.

So, when we see hurting people, don't look at them as broken people who haven't got their act together. Look at them as someone who needs a bit of kindness, generosity, and loving support. Watch the power those simple things can have in their life.

Caveat: This does not condone people remaining disempowered victims for the rest of their lives. Our role is to embrace and still to empower, leaving the "wounded one" to take responsibility for their recovery. Embrace, love, and challenge.

Lee Down is a Professional Coach, Trainer/Facilitator, Speaker, & Writer of One Man Can Human Capital Development that focuses on relationships, the key foundation to success in business and life. With more than 15 years professional experience and a thirst for truth and understanding, he focuses on the human spirit and human capacity.

Working with clients, he facilitates the breaking down of beliefs, barriers or obstacles that bring clients forward on their journey of discovery with spirit, energy, abundance, passion and purpose, integrating the mind and body experience. Working with business, he brings visionary leadership and relationship skills to the forefront that witnesses an empowered culture evolve and develop directly impacting the improvement to the bottom-line.

In The News:

table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.tampabay.com/news/humaninterest/article921274.ececid=0ei=kWo0Se3yB5f-6gO_pbT1DAusg=AFQjCNF14TjnhlmVHK-ZsM5zTyHVjM0wNAHernando, Pasco hospices offer tips on bgrief/b during holidays/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fTampabay.com,nbsp;FLnbsp;-/font nobr2 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1Losing a loved one is hard, and that bloss/b can feel even greater during the holidays. Finch and Quinones recently spoke to the Times about bgrief/b and offered b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table

table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://savannahnow.com/node/626518cid=0ei=kWo0Se3yB5f-6gO_pbT1DAusg=AFQjCNHTTY0hGmTprSN3ikJWRNzuUMlc6ATeen still bgrieving/b over bloss/b of father/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fSavannah Morning News,nbsp;GAnbsp;-/font nobr18 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1A. While four years of bgrieving/b for a lost father may seem beyond expectation, the death of a father during those precarious adolescent years often causes b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table

table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/asection/la-na-durbin30-2008nov30,0,4986667.storycid=1276231019ei=kWo0Se3yB5f-6gO_pbT1DAusg=AFQjCNFKxv9VwvsSoW3E8eB-W79B5h2NSgSen. Durbin is working through his bgrief/b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fLos Angeles Times,nbsp;CAnbsp;-/font nobrNov 30, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1quot;It is painful to see anyone suffer great bloss/b,quot; Obama said. quot;He and Loretta have been such wonderful friends to me and Michelle and so many others that we b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table

table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd width=80 align=center valign=topfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifa href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.straitstimes.com/Breaking%252BNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_308238.htmlcid=1275733763ei=kWo0Se3yB5f-6gO_pbT1DAusg=AFQjCNFWpIX6BzQiHphRa2aCtZ4WQ_Hlvgimg src=http://news.google.com/news?imgefp=uEOOf3YVvFsJimgurl=www.straitstimes.com/STI/STIMEDIA/image/20081128/spore-hostage.jpg width=49 height=80 alt= border=1brfont size=-2Straits Times/font/a/font/tdtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://news.asiaone.com/News/AsiaOne%252BNews/Singapore/Story/A1Story20081201-104594.htmlcid=1275733763ei=kWo0Se3yB5f-6gO_pbT1DAusg=AFQjCNEVua7m0vjNyU7p8KImY-0fDib8XwSharing the agony of sudden bloss/b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fAsiaOne,nbsp;Singaporenbsp;-/font nobr21 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1I imagine him now in sudden, inexplicable bgrief/b. I can#39;t put the picture of a city under attack away. Things I#39;ve seen on TV and heard from friends have b.../b/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.straitstimes.com/Breaking%252BNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_308041.html%3Fvgnmr%3D1cid=1275733763ei=kWo0Se3yB5f-6gO_pbT1DAusg=AFQjCNGhWBblg6en7zF5wP4l4-coAWYENQS#39;porean hostage killed/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrStraits Times/nobr/font/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/news/story/0,4136,185166,00.htmlcid=1275733763ei=kWo0Se3yB5f-6gO_pbT1DAusg=AFQjCNGaq-YX4X5E6f5RLUVjNGlBuTAeZAFamily#39;s hopes crushed with news of daughter#39;s death/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrElectric New Paper/nobr/font/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.straitstimes.com/Breaking%252BNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_308310.htmlcid=1275733763ei=kWo0Se3yB5f-6gO_pbT1DAusg=AFQjCNEiUbaRZQ9OW7rWO5F81LyWtKnDBAPM sends condolences/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrStraits Times/nobr/font/fontbrfont class=p size=-1a class=p href=http://news.google.com/news?sourceid=navclientie=ISO-8859-1rls=GGLG,GGLG:2005-22,GGLG:enncl=1275733763hl=ennobrall 52 news articles/nobr/a/font/div/font/td/tr/table

table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.timesdaily.com/article/20081201/ARTICLES/812010310/1011/NEWS%3FTitle%3DHolidays_can_be_difficult_for_grieving_families_cid=0ei=kWo0Se3yB5f-6gO_pbT1DAusg=AFQjCNEzWN4J4z22DqWWD0gMyWHEJLuNqQHolidays can be difficult for bgrieving/b families/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fTimes Daily,nbsp;ALnbsp;-/font nobr13 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1Topics including common reactions to sudden bloss/b, coping strategies, and dealing with holidays and other special days. Let family and friends know what you b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table

table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.santaclaritamagazine.com/index.php%3Foption%3Dcom_content%26task%3Dview%26id%3D4960%26Itemid%3D94%26ed%3D25cid=0ei=kWo0Se3yB5f-6gO_pbT1DAusg=AFQjCNHOIWcc0YP0AbLF-ngkU_vhRwHOYAHandling the Holidays Without Your Loved One/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fMagazine of Santa Clarita,nbsp;CAnbsp;-/font nobr10 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1“As a society we are not trained or prepared to deal with life’s most predictable event and that is bloss/b,” said bgrief/b counselor and author Jeff Zhorne, b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table

table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.rutlandherald.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article%3FAID%3D/20081201/NEWS01/812010303/1002/NEWS01cid=0ei=kWo0Se3yB5f-6gO_pbT1DAusg=AFQjCNH5vpAd2pr76dia0buKEfZPWwOI1QbGrief/b allows time for healing/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fRutland Herald,nbsp;VTnbsp;-/font nobr14 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1When you#39;ve lost a loved one, the holiday season can be a painful reminder of the bloss/b you are feeling rather than a time of warmth, love and excitement. b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table

table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.wiscnews.com/bnr/news/316041cid=0ei=kWo0Se3yB5f-6gO_pbT1DAusg=AFQjCNFO4qe_nvmTFbZ5SzZPaI0MBPHfwgUnit encourages students to ask tough questions about death, bloss/b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fBaraboo News Republic,nbsp;WInbsp;-/font nobrNov 25, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1A four-week unit on bgrief/b, bloss/b and death will be presented to fourth-grade classrooms at different times this year, based upon lessons backed by the b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table

table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.hometownlife.com/article/20081127/NEWS22/811270545cid=0ei=kWo0Se3yB5f-6gO_pbT1DAusg=AFQjCNEYxlRczz9Iuf4jBKvumv85VigKDgTalk for seniors addresses bgrief/b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fMirror,nbsp;MInbsp;-/font nobrNov 27, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1The problems of quot;bGrief/b, bLoss/b and Mourningquot; will be the subject of the second talk in a Troy series especially for seniors. The event will be from 7:30-8:30 b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table

grief loss - Google News

The Truth About Emotional Intelligence

Dealing with Grief & Loss