False Prophets

Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 12, 2003

Of all the relationship advice columns, I like and respect yours most because you never encourage using manipulation or "tricks" in relationships.

I recently turned 30 and am considered an attractive woman. My life has never been easy, but I put it all behind me and tried to make the best out of my assets. I moved to the States, put myself through college, graduated with honors, and work hard to support myself.

The only problem is I have no love in my life. The men I date act like I am the best thing to happen to them, in the beginning that is. Inevitably it turns out they do not want a serious relationship, leaving me with a broken heart and crushed hopes. If I am really that wonderful, why is this happening to me?

I have dated men of various ages, professions, and physical appearance. The only thing they have in common is a dread of settling down with one person forever.

I live in New York, perhaps the most "commitment phobic" city in the world. Whenever I travel to other states, people say, "You're such a beautiful girl. Not married yet?" It's flattering, but I cringe to hear that question. It makes me feel like the biggest loser.

I've tried almost everything. Recently I read in one of the relationship books the best way to attract the right partner is make a list of all the qualities we would like them to possess and meditate upon it. Inevitably the right mate will be drawn to us. Call me skeptical, but this sounds like ordering custom furniture, not meeting a mate.

Can such lists really work? Please help me. I am too young to live without love the rest of my life.

Eldora

Eldora, oh, if it was only that simple. Make a list of what you want--a man, money, or a trim waist--and meditate. If that worked, we'd all be married, we'd all be rich, and we'd all be thin. If that book worked, it would be the hottest selling book ever.

Authors of relationship books say you can plan and plot this out because that is what people want to hear. But it is not within their power to make happen. No one has a crystal ball to tell you when the great moments of your life will occur. Love comes when it comes, not when you decide it should come.

Love is a word which is often misused. It can be used to gain undeserved intimacy. There is something to be said for waiting, because those who are not serious are not likely to be patient. As you have already painfully discovered, you cannot turn a man who is not serious into one who is no matter how much he says he likes or loves you.

It doesn't take long to realize a shoe doesn't fit, and almost all men give indicators they are, or are not, of a mindset for a wife. The sooner you learn a man is not of your mindset, the less likely you are to be hurt. If a man says he isn't looking for marriage, shake his hand, say goodnight, and tell him he is not what you are looking for.

The one thing we can tell you is to live the kind of life which is in you, that you deserve, that you have a passion for. Because that is the only thing which is under your control.

Put yourself in the way of love and marriage. That means not being involved with anyone who does not want marriage, acknowledging in your heart you want to be married, and not being afraid to say it. The man who truly loves you will want to make you his own.

The best thing you can do is be out there living a good life.

Wayne & Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

In The News:
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd width=80 align=center valign=topfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifa href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/movies/la-ca-gus23-2008nov23,0,5369488.storycid=1272865551ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNGrVGSQtvDwGW3WxU_fb5XJjVN4SAimg src=http://news.google.com/news?imgefp=uPZtEeb2YLMJimgurl=www.latimes.com/media/photo/2008-11/43546555.jpg width=80 height=45 alt= border=1brfont size=-2Los Angeles Times/font/a/font/tdtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.ny1.com/content/ny1_living/89392/sean-penn-stars-in-inspirational-gay-rights-tale--milk-/Default.aspxcid=1272865551ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNGYuWNZoQCj4fQ9UPFE-trnFM39zwSean Penn Stars In bInspirational/b Gay Rights Tale quot;Milkquot;/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fNY1,nbsp;NYnbsp;-/font nobrNov 21, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1Sean Penn portrays the first openly gay elected official in America, San Francisco supervisor Harvey Milk, in quot;Milk,quot; a new film sure to be in the Oscar b.../b/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.mercurynews.com/peninsula/ci_11044792cid=1272865551ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNHUeQ9olY3D1BZsCJcphLx_4a2bewStory of SF gay rights hero Harvey Milk finally makes it to the b.../b/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrSan Jose Mercury News/nobr/font/fontbrfont class=p size=-1a class=p href=http://news.google.com/news?sourceid=navclientie=ISO-8859-1rls=GGLG,GGLG:2005-22,GGLG:enncl=1272865551hl=ennobrall 58 news articles/nobr/a/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd width=80 align=center valign=topfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifa href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/movies/388695_fuel21q.htmlcid=1272678800ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNEqfJMNk6dewyHW9bilUYx2x-gz6Aimg src=http://news.google.com/news?imgefp=GBkXt4icemIJimgurl=seattlepi.nwsource.com/dayart/20081121/450wh_fueldirector21.jpg width=80 height=53 alt= border=1brfont size=-2Seattle Post Intelligencer/font/a/font/tdtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/movies/388695_fuel21q.htmlcid=1272678800ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNEqfJMNk6dewyHW9bilUYx2x-gz6APractical and binspirational/b, #39;Fuel#39; faces the facts of the energy b.../b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fSeattle Post Intelligencernbsp;-/font nobrNov 20, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1By SEAN AXMAKER The rallying cry of director/activist Joshua Tickell#39;s quot;Fuelquot; is not as catchy as quot;Save the cheerleader, save the world,quot; but it is b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd width=80 align=center valign=topfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifa href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5i1ohFbSlRrJcUlcTDTW-hS6MU-9wcid=0ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNF-x-Fg5c-VJB-uDUiTwvB4JltapQimg src=http://news.google.com/news?imgefp=YtQkv_kpqmkJimgurl=www.google.com/hostednews/afp/media/ALeqM5h2DDX6WM29acKMC5hD5rT-bDGMwg width=57 height=80 alt= border=1brfont size=-2AFP/font/a/font/tdtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5i1ohFbSlRrJcUlcTDTW-hS6MU-9wcid=0ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNF-x-Fg5c-VJB-uDUiTwvB4JltapQ45 years on, JFK killing haunts Secret Service protecting Obama/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fAFPnbsp;-/font nobr13 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1quot;He is binspirational/b, he is an historic figure, he is the first African-American president; but there is also -- because of that potential for stirring up b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd width=80 align=center valign=topfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifa href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/entertainment/index.ssf/2008/11/a_look_at_the_top_10_inspirati.htmlcid=1272456151ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNE0oQyhwXa4-AfY9n_m9-a2zhOxzgimg src=http://news.google.com/news?imgefp=vu3u2hnmd9EJimgurl=blog.lehighvalleylive.com/movies_impact/2008/11/large_Titans.jpg width=80 height=52 alt= border=1brfont size=-2The Express Times - LehighValleyLive.com/font/a/font/tdtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/entertainment/index.ssf/2008/11/a_look_at_the_top_10_inspirati.htmlcid=1272456151ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNE0oQyhwXa4-AfY9n_m9-a2zhOxzgA look at the top 10 binspirational/b sports movies/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fThe Express Times - LehighValleyLive.com,nbsp;PAnbsp;-/font nobrNov 19, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1It#39;s one of the top ten binspirational/b sports movies of all time. Not so long ago I came across something on the Beliefnet.com Web site about binspirational/b b.../b/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/entertainment/index.ssf%3F/base/living-0/1227157523319260.xml%26coll%3D3cid=1272456151ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNGPKMRCBivFY6X2uV1vUiu6u4chmQSingling out some binspirational/b sports movies, from #39;Titans#39; and b.../b/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrThe Express Times - LehighValleyLive.com/nobr/font/fontbrfont class=p size=-1a class=p href=http://news.google.com/news?sourceid=navclientie=ISO-8859-1rls=GGLG,GGLG:2005-22,GGLG:enncl=1272456151hl=ennobrall 2 news articles/nobr/a/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.thenewsstar.com/article/20081121/LIFESTYLE/811210303cid=0ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNGLw4JWplamTEZb-LzKmQUZboUYWQMinistry of bInspirational/b Therapy holds meeting/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fMonroe News Star,nbsp;LAnbsp;-/font nobrNov 20, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1The 18th annual membership meeting of the Ministry of bInspirational/b Therapy was held Nov. 13 at the NELBA building in West Monroe. Gloria Jones, president b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.gosanangelo.com/news/2008/nov/21/3-inspirational-books-in-time-for-holidays/cid=0ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNGzFYB_4YKrnF01Cenb8IR8GsUsnQ3 binspirational/b books in time for holidays/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fSan Angelo Standard Times,nbsp;txnbsp;-/font nobrNov 20, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1Both are billed as binspirational/b gift books for all ages, especially teens and young adults, and both are filled with upbeat quotations from a variety of b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.liverpooldailypost.co.uk/liverpool-news/regional-news/2008/11/22/inspirational-school-sports-hall-gets-the-go-ahead-64375-22315166/cid=0ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNHQbFGnHVCDR268eeMORGJfJfqRNg‘bInspirational/b’ school sports hall gets the go-ahead/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fLiverpool Daily Post,nbsp;UKnbsp;-/font nobrNov 21, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1MERCHANT Taylors’ School in Crosby will soon boast an “binspirational/b, light, bright and welcoming” new sports hall, after Sefton Council granted planning b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd width=80 align=center valign=topfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifa href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1088576/Inspirational-cancer-sufferer-raised-1-75m-charity-left-just-19-000-will.htmlcid=1273444680ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNGr5Zg48-kQ7DYAnWiPPQ-k14BUAAimg src=http://news.google.com/news?imgefp=v2DqpVn1wbkJimgurl=i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/11/22/article-1088576-0098B41D000004B0-369_468x286.jpg width=80 height=49 alt= border=1brfont size=-2Daily Mail/font/a/font/tdtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1088576/Inspirational-cancer-sufferer-raised-1-75m-charity-left-just-19-000-will.htmlcid=1273444680ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNGr5Zg48-kQ7DYAnWiPPQ-k14BUAAbInspirational/b cancer sufferer who raised £1.75m for charity left b.../b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fDaily Mail,nbsp;UKnbsp;-/font nobr17 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1By Mail On Sunday Reporter Most of the money goes to her husband Mike, with future earnings from her two books going to her children Suzanne, 22, Rebecca, b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.phillyburbs.com/pb-dyn/news/111-11232008-1626401.htmlcid=0ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNFTCkU6TwDm3UfOiePEr7PbS3DP3AGot a story to tell?/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fphillyBurbs.com,nbsp;PAnbsp;-/font nobr17 minutes ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1But do you have a great story, an binspirational/b story, a hilarious, bizarre or unbelievable story? The kind of story that, when you tell your friends, b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd width=80 align=center valign=topfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifa href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.voanews.com/english/2008-11-05-voa68.cfmcid=1267202318ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNF09ZoWI2FpOxmRd9NiiisPUdJJdQimg src=http://news.google.com/news?imgefp=PLNdundxzegJimgurl=www.voanews.com/english/images/AP_Rice_on_Obama_05NOV08.jpg width=77 height=80 alt= border=1brfont size=-2Voice of America/font/a/font/tdtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://afp.google.com/article/ALeqM5gEZDGk7Pl-oafbXDJAF1GY2yZU6gcid=1267202318ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNFzO4QCuWla_j_EC7qI8M6a9XNxggAs proud African American, Rice calls Obama #39;binspirational/b#39;/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fAFPnbsp;-/font nobrNov 5, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1WASHINGTON (AFP) — US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice on Wednesday called President-elect Barack Obama quot;binspirational/b,quot; saying his election marked quot;an b.../b/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DbtFoHq6ttOAcid=1267202318ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNF4iTbQ1z562FGDkNAC2zyu-7-ZTQVideo: Rice Congratulates Obama on Victory/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrAssociatedPress/nobr/fontobject width=448 height=356param name=movie value=http://www.youtube.com/v/btFoHq6ttOA/paramparam name=wmode value=transparent/paramembed src=http://www.youtube.com/v/btFoHq6ttOAtype=application/x-shockwave-flashwmode=transparentwidth=448height=356/embed/objectbr/fontfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.hindustantimes.com/Redir.aspx%3FID%3D90eba6fb-233b-4484-9009-bcf858354e7bcid=1267202318ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNH4F0ZQZxQ7SqMq3aCXuOcvf4z5DARice calls Obama quot;binspirational/bquot;, promises smooth transition/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrHindustan Times/nobr/font/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,24610104-12377,00.htmlcid=1267202318ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNHVNCTpVfzhcjtVpeFwHndsw3c66ARice hails #39;binspirational/b#39; Obama/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrThe Australian/nobr/font/fontbrfont size=-1 class=pa href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/11/05/america/NA-US-Elections-Rice.phpcid=1267202318ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNGSMQgK3xvFth9DWE2SCWlGjgq-oAnobrInternational Herald Tribune/nobr/anbsp;- a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.radionetherlands.nl/news/international/6040429/Bush-praises-Obama-win-pledges-smooth-handovercid=1267202318ei=oncpSZM9j-7qA4jv7Z8Eusg=AFQjCNEDLLmlH-rgC_lZl_5Zkt_pqZC_mAnobrRadio Netherlands/nobr/a/fontbr/font class=p size=-1a class=p href=http://news.google.com/news?sourceid=navclientie=ISO-8859-1rls=GGLG,GGLG:2005-22,GGLG:enncl=1267202318hl=ennobrall 321 news articles/nobr/a/font/div/font/td/tr/table
inspirational - Google News

Launch Yourself Into Living

Memorial Day weekend, 2004, found my wife and I along... Read More

Does Your Childhood Hold You Back?

Have you come to a point in your life and... Read More

Hope For Those Sexually Abused As Children

PART 1: Warning - This article may be inappropriate for... Read More

Dreams Do Come True

Experience has made a lot of folks to consider dreams... Read More

The Meaning of Life - Not Just Another Dust in the Wind Theory

I grew up in the south in the 1960's. Married... Read More

Maybe Im Amazed at the Way you Love Me all the Time

In Corrogue I am amazedI rise by the light of... Read More

Character is Whats Left When You Leave

1 Samuel 16:7"...The Lord does not look at the things... Read More

Caste Out

Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 29,... Read More

Favorite Quotations... What Do They Say About Us?

Have you stopped to think what your favorite quotes are... Read More

Borne Upon the Wings of Words

How often do you have opportunities every day to exercise... Read More

Believe In Yourself And Become a Winner: Lessons from Hollywood

Copyright 2004 Priya Shah A while ago I... Read More

Need for a Belief System: A System of Organization for Your Experiences!

I've spoken with many people who, over time, have felt... Read More

Why Does it Take So Long to Slow Down

Why do we wait so long, before we start thinking... Read More

Surefire Ways to Develop a Thankful Attitude

Spend some time thinking about how good you have it.... Read More

Musicians Survival was Truly a Miracle: Singer Songwriter Fights for his Life

Every morning when singer-songwriter Michael Alan looks into the mirror... Read More

About Self Love

1. How do I love myself?2. How can I feel... Read More

Lifes Purpose

To every life, there is a purpose; a purpose of... Read More

I Dont Like This

You always do this wrong, how many times would I... Read More

Escape into Reality and Find Love

The early months of this year brought major challenges, as... Read More

If I Hurt You, Then Im Sorry

This statement has stopped many a war in my house.... Read More

A Rush Home to Rapture

Riding a rush, being juiced, flying high-this is the feeling... Read More

Lifetime of Discoveries: Moments of Peace and Renewal

There are discoveries all around us—small gifts of joy that... Read More

Seven Things You Must Give to Others if You Want to Achieve Success!

A major part of the process of achieving success and... Read More

Anamcara - Being Forever Enough

When was the last time you felt you were enough... Read More

Create Your Way Out of It

When life has you feeling less than happy, and you... Read More