Heavy Weather Guide

Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 26, 2004

My girlfriend and I are basically the same age, just a six month difference. When I went to buy the engagement ring in February, I felt certain she was the right one. She accepted my proposal by saying, "If we go slow?"

We've been doing that. We had the ring resized to fit her finger, and the wedding wasn't to be until Easter 2006. This morning she broke it off. We were happy and taking it slow, but for some reason it felt fast to her. Right from the start, her relatives pressured her to break up. She asked me questions, I answered honestly, and my answers were acceptable.

I want to get married and have my own happy family in the next five years. Preferably in the next two. This afternoon I even cried. What can or should I do? I know suicide's not the answer, but maybe it would make a difference to her and them. No, I don't want to do that, but like I said, I'm feeling sad today.

Michael

Michael, on a merchant ship the second mate is responsible for navigation. Traditionally, each morning the mate would rise, take a fix on the stars, and recompute a fresh course to the destination. This is necessary because the wind and sea push the ship off yesterday's course.

The mate can chart a course and ring up the speed, but the sea determines when the ship will arrive. There is no point fighting against the sea, or against life. Ordinarily when a person thinks of suicide, it is because they are holding to a fixed idea, and they cannot imagine life in any other way. But life is full of possibilities.

If your depression is serious, seek help. But your sadness seems based on rigid expectations. You have a schedule in your head, and you want life to conform to your schedule. In the next two years you want to find a woman who loves you, whom you love, who will marry you, and produce children. That sounds more like ordering a new car than love.

Out of great love for someone who loves you, come a family and happiness. Where is the great love for this woman in your letter? No, what we hear is the two year schedule. What we hear is the difference between this woman, and your plans for a woman.

Life, and people, cannot be bent to your will. Surrender your schedule and allow your life to unfold.

The traditional farewell of a mariner is wishing a friend fair winds and a following sea. But the truth is we learn more about ourselves and our ship in a storm than in calm waters.

Wayne & Tamara

Seesaw

I'm a single woman who is intelligent, kindhearted, and attractive. I recently ended a relationship with a man I'll call Jordan. Jordan slowly moved from wanting to spend every moment with me to "needing some space."

Jordan is bipolar and refuses to seek help, and my attempts to help left him better and me with an hour of sleep. Recently we enjoyed a great afternoon when he invited me to a party. Well, the last time we went to a party, I was basically "left by the punchbowl." When I gently expressed my concern, he screamed, "Get out!" Which I promptly did.

I realize I'm stupid to want anything but to move on, but for curiosity's sake, because it's driving me crazy, what on earth is his problem? We seem to want the same thing, each other, yet he's going back and forth faster than a swing.

Darlene

Darlene, you ask what on earth is his problem. To borrow a phrase from teenagers, "Duh?" He is an unmedicated, bipolar person.

As long as he won't address the problem of his mood swings, there is no place on the swing for you.

Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

In The News:
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table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.theherald.co.uk/sport/headlines/display.var.2460847.0.Tributes_to_Thompsons_inspirational_character.phpcid=1257974602ei=9p32SI2_GaXg6gPMl4SRCQusg=AFQjCNG5_QdkEpnvSHuooaiIpx4u7akU-ATributes to Thompson’s binspirational/b character/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fThe Herald,nbsp;UKnbsp;-/font nobr2 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1He was an binspirational/b guy and had a great relationship with the manager and players. We knew that he was ill but it is still very hard to take. b.../b/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://news.scotsman.com/latestnews/Daughter-mourns-father-and-husband.4596438.jpcid=1257974602ei=9p32SI2_GaXg6gPMl4SRCQusg=AFQjCNHyIZeDXG0UESTHS99B36XNWaeX9ADaughter mourns father and husband in double Dundee United tragedy/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrScotsman/nobr/font/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/scotland/3203805/Tributes-to-Dundee-United-chairman-who-died-of-cancer.htmlcid=1257974602ei=9p32SI2_GaXg6gPMl4SRCQusg=AFQjCNH1lGQ7w0LhRn05Py8gEbNwcTe5IQTributes to Dundee United chairman who died of cancer/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrTelegraph.co.uk/nobr/font/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.thecourier.co.uk/output/2008/10/16/sportstory12107054t0.aspcid=1257974602ei=9p32SI2_GaXg6gPMl4SRCQusg=AFQjCNGyWBRRsbHEypi197KPlx96DnLIrwEddie will be a hard act to follow/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrScotland Courier/nobr/font/fontbrfont size=-1 class=pa href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://ukpress.google.com/article/ALeqM5i9gLTmoSgCEUzdcP-4xHRM-kA3PAcid=1257974602ei=9p32SI2_GaXg6gPMl4SRCQusg=AFQjCNFtdr1m9S1MHtdnwnE0mKaQsX_CKwnobrThe Press Association/nobr/anbsp;- a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://ukpress.google.com/article/ALeqM5i4s6dacHCWtvOUx-_Ub9mjnOWDEwcid=1257974602ei=9p32SI2_GaXg6gPMl4SRCQusg=AFQjCNER077B10yeHQ4evL35g1IGr6oKMQnobrThe Press Association/nobr/a/fontbr/font class=p size=-1a class=p href=http://news.google.com/news?sourceid=navclientie=ISO-8859-1rls=GGLG,GGLG:2005-22,GGLG:enncl=1257974602hl=ennobrall 729 news articles/nobr/a/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://pr-canada.net/index.php%3Foption%3Dcom_content%26task%3Dview%26id%3D54212%26Itemid%3D65cid=0ei=9p32SI2_GaXg6gPMl4SRCQusg=AFQjCNHD5HORSyGq9PiSuUsRq-_vPOLThAOutskirts Press Announces The Gate Called Beautiful, the Latest b.../b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fPR-CANADA.net (press release),nbsp;Montenegronbsp;-/font nobr8 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1The 6.14 x 9.21 paperback in the bInspirational/b amp; Religious category is available worldwide on book retailer websites such as Amazon and Barnes amp; Noble for a b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd width=80 align=center valign=topfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifa href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.rte.ie/news/2008/1014/levinej.htmlcid=1258043185ei=9p32SI2_GaXg6gPMl4SRCQusg=AFQjCNHbioC4vfCMH6Frn_pTQYc0eqmR2wimg src=http://news.google.com/news?imgefp=uvQVFgiQwlYJimgurl=dynimg.rte.ie/0001ca8a10dr.jpg width=80 height=60 alt= border=1brfont size=-2RTE.ie/font/a/font/tdtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.independent.ie/national-news/feminist-levine-remembered-as-inspirational-campaigner-1498955.htmlcid=1258043185ei=9p32SI2_GaXg6gPMl4SRCQusg=AFQjCNGRf77gKb0CrYZI1hPLKtk6yTpdyQFeminist Levine remembered as #39;binspirational/b#39; campaigner/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fIrish Independent,nbsp;Irelandnbsp;-/font nobr16 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1Yesterday, the group#39;s chief executive Ellen O#39;Malley-Dunlop described her as an quot;binspirational/bquot; figure for many. She had manned the phone lines at the b.../b/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.rte.ie/news/2008/1014/levinej.htmlcid=1258043185ei=9p32SI2_GaXg6gPMl4SRCQusg=AFQjCNHbioC4vfCMH6Frn_pTQYc0eqmR2wJune Levine dies aged 76/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrRTE.ie/nobr/font/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/ireland/2008/1015/1224020737221.htmlcid=1258043185ei=9p32SI2_GaXg6gPMl4SRCQusg=AFQjCNFeHdNf60Wu22zTJMuEIHduSEYhVgTributes paid to journalist and feminist author June Levine/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrIrish Times/nobr/font/fontbrfont class=p size=-1a class=p href=http://news.google.com/news?sourceid=navclientie=ISO-8859-1rls=GGLG,GGLG:2005-22,GGLG:enncl=1258043185hl=ennobrall 3 news articles/nobr/a/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.rochdaleobserver.co.uk/news/s/1072334_inspirational_mavis_is_getting_back_on_trackcid=0ei=9p32SI2_GaXg6gPMl4SRCQusg=AFQjCNFHZDBAcjzVv3fUpCQ01izo4lcGoQbInspirational/b Mavis is getting back on track/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fRochdale Observer,nbsp;UKnbsp;-/font nobr17 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1AN bINSPIRATIONAL/b woman beat off competition from 50000 runners to win an award for completing the BUPA Great North Run. Mavis Shotton, aged 58, of Norden, b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.cmt.com/news/news-in-brief/1596919/tracy-lawrence-performing-at-inspirational-country-music-awards.jhtmlcid=0ei=9p32SI2_GaXg6gPMl4SRCQusg=AFQjCNHaszT0p282PJ0krj9oJ__C31ktqgTracy Lawrence Performing at bInspirational/b Country Music Awards/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fCMT.com,nbsp;TNnbsp;-/font nobrOct 13, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1Tracy Lawrence and former American Idol finalist Phil Stacey will perform during the 14th annual bInspirational/b Country Music Awards taking place Thursday b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.nashvillecitypaper.com/news.php%3FviewStory%3D63445cid=0ei=9p32SI2_GaXg6gPMl4SRCQusg=AFQjCNGc8U9QieeBylMZ0_ZHzxtx21LArAPrep notes: CPA wins binspirational/b volleyball match/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fNashville City Paper,nbsp;TNnbsp;-/font nobr20 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1There was loud cheering and heavy hearts Tuesday night at the Christ Presbyterian Academy Gym. In an atmosphere more in line with a state championship b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.thecourier.co.uk/output/2008/10/15/newsstory12101428t0.aspcid=0ei=9p32SI2_GaXg6gPMl4SRCQusg=AFQjCNFzh_LkZq4feyaaES_b1sNBGBJe7wbInspirational/b girl gives back to therapy centre/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fScotland Courier,nbsp;UKnbsp;-/font nobrOct 14, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1bInspirational/b six-year-old Kayleigh Ptak and her family have handed over a staggering £10000 to Bobath Scotland’s children’s therapy centre in Glasgow. b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.theage.com.au/news/sport/hole-in-one-for-mr-one-of-a-kind/2008/10/15/1223750132726.htmlcid=1258164028ei=9p32SI2_GaXg6gPMl4SRCQusg=AFQjCNEJJ3uucZ5QpLPlMlCFQPU6O9bulgHole in one for Mr One Of A Kind/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fThe Age,nbsp;Australianbsp;-/font nobr12 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1bINSPIRATIONAL/b. It#39;s a word that people, especially some of us in sport, tend to bandy around far too much these days. We reckon it suits this story though. b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.thenewsstar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article%3FAID%3D/20081014/ENTERTAINMENT/81014012cid=0ei=9p32SI2_GaXg6gPMl4SRCQusg=AFQjCNGFmcmBPoSWX4okTaPFYFK7tXOnugLocal product Andy Griggs to present at bInspirational/b Country b.../b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fMonroe News Star,nbsp;LAnbsp;-/font nobrOct 14, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1According to CMT.com, local country singer Andy Griggs will be a presenter at the 14th annual bInspirational/b Country Music Awards on Thursday in b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
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