Is Conflict Healthy in Marriage?

Today my three-year-old daughter told my husband that she wants to be married. When he asked her why, she replied, "Because you get to be nice to one another".

Are you nice to your partner? Or do you find yourself involved in heated competition, endless cycles of discord, and/or tiresome critical thinking?

According to Diane Sollee, founder of the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE), "Every happy, successful couple has approximately ten areas of 'incompatibility' or disagreement that they will never resolve." In other words, it's possible to disagree with your spouse and still have a fulfilling relationship. It's all in how you do it.

Because you and your spouse may have ten issues that you will not be able to agree upon at any given time, how will you be able to resolve these conflicts and maintain a happy medium in your household?

First and foremost don't avoid or side step the concerns that each of you have. Conflict in marriage is not an "if", but rather a "when". And according to Sollee, avoidance is one of the key factors determining a couple's separation and divorce. Make sure you voice your opinions, but do it with the understanding that you don't need to change your spouse. Focus, rather, on the way you present yourself in times of conflict.

Secondly, welcome and embrace change. While you have committed to "love until death", you haven't promised to stay the same through the course of your life. Everyone is learning and growing at different paces and in different places. Don't let this growth, change the positive ways you act towards your husband or wife.

Next, understand that even if you were to divorce and remarry, you would still have to deal with the short comings of your new partner and they would have to deal with yours. You'd just have a new set of disagreements. Nobody's perfect. Realizing this fact and internalizing it, will give you a better grip on how to cope with the irreconcilable differences you have in your current marriage.

Finally, don't let your disagreements contaminate the rest of your relationship. Choose to exhibit positive behaviors towards your spouse. Deciding to become more affectionate or offering encouraging words on a regular basis can go a long way. It will get you through some tough times. Often partners eventually mirror each other's behavior inside and outside of their disagreements.

Don't let conflict put a sour taste in your relationship. If you want to have a healthy and happy marriage, your goal can be to agree with the understanding that disagreeing is a part of life.

For more information about Diane Sollee and the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education visit www.smartmarriages.com

Keishia Lee-Louis is the Editor and Publisher of http://www.Married4Good.com (launching November 2005). Her work has appeared on iVillage.com, BibleResourceCenter.com, and in numerous other printed publications.

Currently, she lives with her husband, daughter and son and is writing a book on marriage relationships, which will be published Spring 2006.

If you'd like to see more of her work, visit http://married4good.blogspot.com

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table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.cbn.com/CBNnews/463283.aspxcid=0ei=uHrzSPreHqjk6gOPkLGAAQusg=AFQjCNHnm8KPGmICzHYyW70jvGm9JZKHjwCA First Graders Attend Gay bWedding/b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fChristian Broadcasting Network,nbsp;VAnbsp;-/font nobr3 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1b.../b out of letting them go to the gay bwedding/b. School administrators admit the trip was controversial, but say same sex bmarriage/b is legal in their state. b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
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table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd width=80 align=center valign=topfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifa href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/showbiz/article43268.ececid=1256863738ei=uHrzSPreHqjk6gOPkLGAAQusg=AFQjCNHs4jZGASOU7tPhn_x2ZJ5cGrjnhgimg src=http://news.google.com/news?imgefp=hcAcT1zTicwJimgurl=www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00011/Trinny_Woodall_280x4_11410a.jpg width=50 height=80 alt= border=1brfont size=-2News of the World/font/a/font/tdtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1076793/Its-Trinny-Woodall-leaves-wedding-ring-home-splits-husband-9-years.htmlcid=1256863738ei=uHrzSPreHqjk6gOPkLGAAQusg=AFQjCNEop_nOKGA4ntgJYGqiGoBT2MftngIt#39;s over: Trinny Woodall leaves her bwedding/b ring at home as she b.../b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fMail on Sunday,nbsp;UKnbsp;-/font nobrOct 12, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1In recent months, Trinny has been prone to arrive at fashion events without her bwedding/b ring and rumours of troubles in the bmarriage/b have been rife since b.../b/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1076793/Its-Trinny-Woodall-leaves-wedding-ring-home-splits-husband-9-years.htmlcid=1256863738ei=uHrzSPreHqjk6gOPkLGAAQusg=AFQjCNHJiA7kKQfb3xCv5RRRMXVkCl57AAIt#39;s over: Trinny Woodall leaves her bwedding/b ring at home as she b.../b/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrDaily Mail/nobr/font/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.thisissurreytoday.co.uk/showbiz/Trinny-Woodall-divorce/article-395165-detail/article.htmlcid=1256863738ei=uHrzSPreHqjk6gOPkLGAAQusg=AFQjCNGE6e6LNI1F7e09VcEkMnBkQBIypgTrinny Woodall to divorce/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrwww.thisissurreytoday.co.uk/nobr/font/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/showbiz/article43268.ececid=1256863738ei=uHrzSPreHqjk6gOPkLGAAQusg=AFQjCNHs4jZGASOU7tPhn_x2ZJ5cGrjnhgTrinny divorce/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrNews of the World/nobr/font/fontbrfont class=p size=-1a class=p href=http://news.google.com/news?sourceid=navclientie=ISO-8859-1rls=GGLG,GGLG:2005-22,GGLG:enncl=1256863738hl=ennobrall 16 news articles/nobr/a/font/div/font/td/tr/table
marriage wedding - Google News


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