Wedding Etiquette for the Best Man, Groomsmen, and Ushers

Undoubtedly, the groom will want to choose a few good men-often his brothers, college buddies, and best friends-to carry out all of the responsibilities traditionally assigned to the guys. Once your fiancé has picked his team, he'll have to give them a few pointers on just what their roles and responsibilities are, so here's the lowdown.

A Friend in Deed

Let's start with the best man (the head groomsman) since his role is so crucial. The best man is an all-purpose kind of guy-friend, organizer, coach, confidant-with a lot of responsibilities.

In general, he must make sure that the wedding goes off without a hitch. When the groom feels stressed, he is ready with encouragement and a good sense of humor.

Traditionally, it is the best man who is in charge of organizing the bachelor party and making all travel arrangements for the bride and groom. He makes sure the groom and other groomsmen get fitted for and pick up their formalwear. He is also expected to supervise the other groomsmen and ushers, serve as an official witness to the vows, safeguards the ring and marriage license just before the wedding, and pay the clergyman's fee (which the groom quietly slips to him before the ceremony).

After the ceremony, he makes sure the wedding party lines up properly for the "wedding parade" through town, if one is planned. At the reception, he serves as the master of ceremonies, proposes the first toast, and remains on hand to ensure that all subsequent speeches are both short and sweet. His final duty is to return all the rented tuxes.

INCIDENTAL-In case it should happen that several notable people would like to offer a toast, here is the order of the speakers: best man, groom's dad, bride's dad, groom, bride, maid of honor, groom's mom, bride's mom, other friends and relatives.

And a Few Good Men

Of course, the other groomsmen or ushers are also important members of the wedding party. The are, in effect, the couples hospitality committee. Although groomsmen often do double-duty-serving as ushers before and after the ceremony-in may cases, at large weddings, for example, there are two sets of men: groomsmen and ushers. (The general rule is one usher for every 50 guests.) In these instances, it is the ushers who seat the guests, and it is they who make the first impression on guests as they arrive.

Ushers greet the guests and escort them on the proper side of the church. As tradition would have it, when a female guest arrives (whether she is alone or not), one of the ushers should step forward, extend his right arm, and escort her to her seat, followed by her spouse or date. (I am in favor of the more modern sentiment which suggests that this approach is incompatible with the whole concept of marriage and that the husband should not be relegated to trailing behind this temporary pair.)

Before walking toward the pews, the usher should ask which side of the church she would like to be seated on, the bride's or groom's. Generally, the right side of the church is reserved for the guests of the groom. Her relatives and friends are usually escorted to the right.

In a Jewish ceremony, this seating arrangement is reversed. And if one side appears to be filling up and the other side has noticeably few occupants, then this rule should be abandoned for the sake of appearances.

Incidentally, in keeping with the spirit of the occasion, ushers should not escort guests to their seats in total silence, as if this were a solemn affair.

This is a time for a few casual and friendly, yet dignified and quiet remarks.

Pews are filled from front to back, leaving the first several reserved for family members and close friends of the bride and groom. Just minutes before the ceremony is scheduled to begin, two of the ushers should escort the groom's mother and then the bride's mother to their seats. After the ceremony, they escort these ladies down the aisle.

It is the groomsmen who should be available to assist the bride's mother with any last minute details. Just before the bride makes her entrance, they should unroll the aisle runner. Another important duty of these men of chivalry is to arrange for transportation of the bridesmaids to the wedding site.

After the ceremony, as everyone heads off to the reception, it is their responsibility to ensure that no one is left behind. And, because they are largely responsible for making sure that a good time is had by all, they are expected to introduce guests to each other.

Modern day armor

What the groomsmen wear is largely determined by the formality or informality of the ceremony, and to a lesser extent by considerations such as location and time of day.

These days, most grooms, groomsmen and ushers rent their formalwear. The groom and his men should order their tuxes at least three months before the wedding. If possible, they should select a local shop, just in case last minute alterations are needed.

The groom and his men usually wear the same attire. To set himself apart, the groom may select a different colored tie, vest, pocket square, or boutonniere.

Sometimes the groom will present a memorable gift, such as cufflinks, studs or, if he can afford to splurge, monogrammed shirts, to be worn by these men of honor at the wedding. Given all that they are expected to do, the groom should indeed go out of his way to show his appreciation, even in advance, for a job well done.

About the Author

Jean Bachcroft is a former public relations director, founder of Bachcroft and Aloha Labels, and the publisher and editor-in-chief of Town and Country Shopping Bargains Magazine. For designer wedding, holiday, and year-round mailing and return address labels, visit Bachcroft Mailing and Return Address Labels and Aloha Return Address Labels

For bargains and bargain shopping articles, visit Town and Country Shopping Bargains.

CBS News
Gay wedding cards from Hallmark: No rainbows please
WalletPop, VA - 3 hours ago
And besides, Hallmark doesn't make cards to celebrate gay marriage, right? As of this summer, wrong. Lots of my friends are driving down to California to ...
Signs of the Times: Hallmark Introduces Gay Marriage Cards The Gay Financial Network
Hallmark Increases Gay Marriage Cards Local10.com
Now on the Hallmark aisle: Gay marriage cards LocalNews8.com
WAPT - Gay Wiredall 440 news articles

PinkNews.co.uk
Oregon tribe recognizes same-sex marriage
Seattle Post Intelligencer - 1 hour ago
... based on the southern Oregon coast, recently adopted a law recognizing same-sex marriage, and its first such wedding is set for next spring. ...
New tribal law allows couple to plan wedding The Register-Guard
Ore. tribe approves same-sex marriages The Oregonian - OregonLive.com
Ore. tribe approves same-sex marriages KTVZ
all 22 news articles

www.thedailygoss.com
Sir Bob Geldof 'gives Peaches marriage his blessing'
Now Magazine Online, UK - 17 hours ago
Sir Bob Geldof is said to have called a truce with Peaches Geldof over her shock wedding to Max Drummey. The socialite wed the American musician in Las ...
Pictured: Peaches finally spends some time with new husband Max ... Daily Mail
Bob Geldof finally blesses rebel daughter Peaches’ run away marriage Newspost Online
Peaches Geldof and Bob Geldof make up after marriage row Fametastic
AHN - Daily Starall 245 news articles

The Associated Press
Now on the Hallmark aisle: Gay marriage cards
The Associated Press - 15 hours ago
The language inside the cards is neutral, with no mention of wedding or marriage, making them also suitable for a commitment ceremony. ...

The Age
Ellen Degeneres Hopes To Inspire Equal Rights With Portia De Rossi ...
Showbiz Spy, UK - 12 hours ago
Talk show queen ELLEN DeGENERES hopes her marriage to actress PORTIA DE ROSSI will inspire generations to become more open-minded about same-sex unions. ...
Video: Stars Celebrate DeGeneres, De Rossi Nuptials AssociatedPress
Newlywed de Rossi's 'most beautiful day' The Australian
CBS ‘Early Show’: Guns ‘Controversial,’ Not Gay Marriage NewsBusters
RTE.ie - San Jose Mercury Newsall 236 news articles

Wedding jitters? Try Kismat Konnection
Times of India, India - 15 hours ago
Sonali (name changed on request) says, "I have been in love with a man for four years, but our parents are apprehensive about our marriage as our horoscopes ...

Gay couples use weddings to wage ballot fight
Gay and Lesbian Times, CA - 3 hours ago
“Nobody wants to be political about their wedding day,� said McKay, media director for Marriage Equality USA. “But we have to do double duty. ...

Dallas Morning News
True Romance: Hesitation, elopement launched a 60-year marriage
Dallas Morning News, TX - 6 hours ago
They have six grandchildren and five great-grandkids, all of whom helped them celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary. The secret for a successful marriage ...

The Wedding Issue
Gay and Lesbian Times, CA - 3 hours ago
After all, a recent study from the Williams Institute at the UCLA School of Law calculated that same-sex marriage will bring nearly $700 million to the ...
Hallmark Issues Gay Wedding Cards, Sky Not Yet Fallen California Majority Report
all 5 news articles

Justin (finally) talks about Britney and marriage
Los Angeles Times, CA - 13 hours ago
If he stalls about a wedding date, do not be fooled into thinking he needs more time. You're really breaking up! Photo credit: Justin and Britney in happier ...

Wind Chimes and more...

Windchimes for great gifts!

Choosing Your Wedding Rings