Neogtiation: How to be Right Without Making Other People Wrong

What exactly are we trying to accomplish by proving to others that we're right? We might win the argument but ultimately lose the relationship. Perhaps a better, deeper-rooted question is this: Why do we lose sight of success, of our big objective, when we feel challenged or intimidated?

When I prepare to negotiate, provide a service or turn my employees' talent into performance, I know deep down that if I make people feel valuable they will see my input as having value. But in that moment when they are just hands-down, across-the-board dead wrong, I sometimes can't stop myself from letting them know how incredibly wrong they are. When that happens, my ability to influence them vaporizes on the spot, and I'm left dealing with the response I created by making them wrong.

I think this is the most consistently counterproductive thing we do in business and, I suspect, in our personal lives too. It may be the foundation of communication breakdown. Maybe this behavior is so prevalent because it's part of human nature. Could we be natural born jerks? (Jerkdom ? nature or nurture?) If so, how do we overcome the urge to prove our point at the expense of our business or relationship?

Wynn Solutions studied thousands of top communicators and saw a common behavior among them: the practice of not making people wrong. We decided to find out how they did it.

We discovered that these top communicators lowered their expectations of other people's behavior before meeting with them face to face. It seemed to reduce the tendency to overreact in the heat of the moment. Also, they walked in the door with an agenda of not making the other person wrong and of looking for areas where the other person's knowledge was strong. So when that moment came ? when other people made their limited knowledge obvious ? top communicators were not so ready to pounce.

This approach may sound a bit condescending to some, but it sure beats dealing with communication issues you create for yourself by having to prove you're the smartest person in the room. It allows you to be right without making others feel wrong.

© Garrison Wynn,CSP 2005

Garrison Wynn is a nationally known speaker, trainer, and consultant. He is the president and founder of Wynn Solutions, specializing in building profitable business relationships.

888-833-2902
http://www.wynnsolutions.com

In The News:
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kathleen-reardon/nearly-as-far-fetched-as_b_132321.htmlcid=1254438696ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNFYzCOWav4HMIETAfQVdwfT1YSjBwNearly As Far-Fetched As The Maverick Lie -- bNegotiation/b Preconditions/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fHuffington Post,nbsp;NYnbsp;-/font nobrOct 6, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1First, it#39;s either naive or a fabrication when McCain suggests Obama will suddenly pop up at a bnegotiation/b with the leadership of Iran. b.../b/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3Drop2tViyYS4cid=1254438696ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNFHWpqBr4cWglj9HGTkZ1tPf4GKigVideo: From Policy To Personality/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrCBS/nobr/fontobject width=448 height=356param name=movie value=http://www.youtube.com/v/rop2tViyYS4/paramparam name=wmode value=transparent/paramembed src=http://www.youtube.com/v/rop2tViyYS4type=application/x-shockwave-flashwmode=transparentwidth=448height=356/embed/objectbr/fontfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.huffingtonpost.com/omid-safi/terrorizing-the-american_b_132597.htmlcid=1254438696ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNGWrW2gorxdJ4VvSlx4jsegvl54lwTerrorizing the American Politic/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrHuffington Post/nobr/font/fontbrfont class=p size=-1a class=p href=http://news.google.com/news?sourceid=navclientie=ISO-8859-1rls=GGLG,GGLG:2005-22,GGLG:enncl=1254438696hl=ennobrall 5,779 news articles/nobr/a/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.inform.kz/showarticle3.php%3Flang%3Deng%26id%3D170853cid=0ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNF162huR_hrNQ_e0In5dQhIS9lOEQNazarbayev stands for continuation of bnegotiation/b process on b.../b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fKazinform,nbsp;Kazakhstannbsp;-/font nobr14 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1b.../b of the Middle East conflict were considered. KazakhstanТs President noted it was necessary to continue the process of bnegotiations/b on this problem./font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd width=80 align=center valign=topfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifa href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://voanews.com/english/2008-10-07-voa38.cfmcid=1254902146ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNFxNrGPlRwB9ddYiodFrGIhvOnJQwimg src=http://news.google.com/news?imgefp=nuBbsW2V1pQJimgurl=voanews.com/english/images/voa_herman_afghanistan_humayun_hamidzada_07Oct08.jpg width=80 height=80 alt= border=1brfont size=-2Voice of America/font/a/font/tdtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/oct/07/afghanistan.middleeastcid=1254902146ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNEYHFbH_gNZP0F-tYoKC_AiSeM-iwTalking to the Taliban – yet again/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fguardian.co.uk,nbsp;UKnbsp;-/font nobr9 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1Third, and more importantly, if calm in Afghanistan is reached through bnegotiation/b with the Taliban, this will translate into more violence in Pakistan. b.../b/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://thepost.com.pk/OpinionNews.aspx%3Fdtlid%3D186237%26catid%3D11cid=1254902146ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNEEHnxX2ZmdaI81ysmj1IebZ1DVtgTaliban talks in Saudi Arabia/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrThe Post/nobr/font/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.gulf-daily-news.com/Story.asp%3FArticle%3D230911%26Sn%3DWORL%26IssueID%3D31201cid=1254902146ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNFeIlTNZ-M4Kntm9QZthzLd8jQb8gKabul hopes for peace talks/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrGulf Daily News/nobr/font/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/2008-10/07/content_10161209.htmcid=1254902146ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNEhHzPnP2nXVcWjm81DMjNH5AOZjAAfghan official: no talks held with Taliban/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrXinhua/nobr/font/fontbrfont size=-1 class=pa href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/mini/CTVNews/20081006/election2008_afghanistan_081006/20081006%3Fs_name%3Delection2008%26no_ads%3Dcid=1254902146ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNGdrvSQjU7iz857N97LJT5Rm0adXAnobrCTV.ca/nobr/anbsp;- a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://aawsat.com/english/news.asp%3Fsection%3D1%26id%3D14326cid=1254902146ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNHMD1jZ_8VUzIXgsIFnOuATJu2mzgnobrAsharq Alawsat/nobr/a/fontbr/font class=p size=-1a class=p href=http://news.google.com/news?sourceid=navclientie=ISO-8859-1rls=GGLG,GGLG:2005-22,GGLG:enncl=1254902146hl=ennobrall 520 news articles/nobr/a/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.moneymorning.com/2008/10/07/wachovia-bid/cid=1251130543ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNHq2L5Uyku74HPCsUrP3ts-OY-WHwTemporary Litigation Halt as Citigroup and Wells Fargo Continue to b.../b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fMoney Morningnbsp;-/font nobr16 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1Earlier in the day, Citigroup had filed suit against Wells Fargo and Wachovia for $60 billion in damages for breaching the exclusive bnegotiation/b period b.../b/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DzPWl4EAORuccid=1251130543ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNGiz5gotPGwHVInewD71fS4spY3NAVideo: Wachovia Calls Order Blocking Sale #39;invalid#39;/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrAssociatedPress/nobr/fontobject width=448 height=356param name=movie value=http://www.youtube.com/v/zPWl4EAORuc/paramparam name=wmode value=transparent/paramembed src=http://www.youtube.com/v/zPWl4EAORuctype=application/x-shockwave-flashwmode=transparentwidth=448height=356/embed/objectbr/fontfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/10/06/AR2008100601168.htmlcid=1251130543ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNHtZibrkaUw3asve03u-sl4vyW0ZACitigroup Files $60 Billion Lawsuit to Block Wachovia, Wells Fargo b.../b/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrWashington Post/nobr/font/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://money.cnn.com/2008/10/03/news/citi.bailout.heavy.fortune/%3Fpostversion%3D2008100314cid=1251130543ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNFAhFbiMi7P7O7RhnueOKswG1a1WQCiti plays the heavy/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrCNN/nobr/font/fontbrfont size=-1 class=pa href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://dealbook.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/10/03/citis-upper-hand-in-the-wachovia-fight/cid=1251130543ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNGoe8A59UCvi5xOuoiedjIGv1j4uwnobrNew York Times Blogs/nobr/anbsp;- a href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.tradingmarkets.com/.site/news/Stock%2520News/1927075/cid=1251130543ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNH2ACFpqukCp4K5KjIta6TD1AptgwnobrTrading Markets (press release)/nobr/a/fontbr/font class=p size=-1a class=p href=http://news.google.com/news?sourceid=navclientie=ISO-8859-1rls=GGLG,GGLG:2005-22,GGLG:enncl=1251130543hl=ennobrall 7,846 news articles/nobr/a/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.kansascity.com/news/local/story/830687.htmlcid=0ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNGOiMpj7v2DiIVZhWQ5ROFFR9qNJQCordish e-mail, Oct. 2: A shooting in the Pamp;L District/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fKansas City Star,nbsp;MOnbsp;-/font nobr2 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1Our concern over the City’s operation of the garages actually goes back to the bnegotiation/b of the Development Agreement four years ago. b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd width=80 align=center valign=topfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifa href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.onlinenews.com.pk/details.php%3Fid%3D134246cid=1254973321ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNEIr7HyX7cQM4Hp-ycfOv4HuqSyVwimg src=http://news.google.com/news?imgefp=cBqlKVZ28wYJimgurl=www.onlinenews.com.pk/pictorial/large/06Cartn1.jpg width=80 height=57 alt= border=1brfont size=-2Online - International News Network/font/a/font/tdtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.onlinenews.com.pk/details.php%3Fid%3D134246cid=1254973321ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNEIr7HyX7cQM4Hp-ycfOv4HuqSyVwNews of bnegotiation/b with Afghan govt baseless: Taliban’s spokesman/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fOnline - International News Network,nbsp;Pakistannbsp;-/font nobrOct 6, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1PESHAWAR: Hizb-e-Islami and Taliban’s leader Mullah Umar has termed the news of Taliban’s bnegotiation/b with Afghan government as baseless and said that those b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd width=80 align=center valign=topfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifa href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.livinginperu.com/news-7564-economy-peru-will-be-winner-free-trade-negotiations-with-chinacid=0ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNFNrkCmNz9eyEFD7S5KcjbaWkJP4Qimg src=http://news.google.com/news?imgefp=_xVhWz0uvKsJimgurl=filer.livinginperu.com/news/img/araoz_13.jpg width=80 height=60 alt= border=1brfont size=-2Living in Peru/font/a/font/tdtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.livinginperu.com/news-7564-economy-peru-will-be-winner-free-trade-negotiations-with-chinacid=0ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNFNrkCmNz9eyEFD7S5KcjbaWkJP4QPeru will be winner in free trade bnegotiations/b with China/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fLiving in Peru,nbsp;Perunbsp;-/font nobr3 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1Peru will emerge as the winner when bnegotiations/b of the Free Trade Agreement (FTA) with China are concluded, said Tuesday the minister of Foreign Trade and b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20081007.WBSteele20081007095721/WBStory/WBSteelecid=1255143031ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNGON3MqV_w5uOlVDsjC4ljTO63HVQYou say al-Qaeda, I say Taliban/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fGlobe and Mail,nbsp;Canadanbsp;-/font nobr10 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1My point was that al-Qaeda and the Taliban are closely linked and any bnegotiation/b with the Taliban is, by definition, a bnegotiation/b with al-Qaeda. b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.rttnews.com/Content/BreakingNews.aspx%3FNode%3DB1%26Id%3D733625%2520%26Category%3DBreaking%2520Newscid=1255128185ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNHNFtdygIBNmJA4PT9esQk3uXZIhgMesa Air reaches tentative deal with pilots - Update/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fRTT News,nbsp;NYnbsp;-/font nobr11 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1After 10 months long expedited bnegotiation/b process, the company management and the pilot group struck a short-term agreement, which includes more days off b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd width=80 align=center valign=topfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifa href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.jamaica-gleaner.com/gleaner/20081005/focus/focus4.htmlcid=1254389513ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNFVGj1khyZQG6dD1OkjR1j4VzKh1Qimg src=http://news.google.com/news?imgefp=9c1May9kP20Jimgurl=www.jamaica-gleaner.com/gleaner/20081005/focus/images/Layout1_1_PLATFudreyMarAM.jpg width=58 height=80 alt= border=1brfont size=-2Jamaica Gleaner/font/a/font/tdtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://www.citywebshopper.net/articles/includes/redirect.php?url=http://www.jamaica-gleaner.com/gleaner/20081005/focus/focus4.htmlcid=1254389513ei=NP7rSJitNYyQ6wP1hcCDCQusg=AFQjCNFVGj1khyZQG6dD1OkjR1j4VzKh1QTrade and bnegotiation/b: Keys to Jamaica#39;s economic development/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fJamaica Gleaner,nbsp;Jamaicanbsp;-/font nobrOct 4, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1A team of international negotiators was recruited and a regional bnegotiating/b machinery instituted specifically for the process. The discussions on the draft b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table
negotiation - Google News

Business: Keys To Negotiating Well

Whether it's buying a car, asking for a pay rise,... Read More

Avoiding and Accomodating in Negotiation

The avoiding approach to negotiating is characterized by losing, leaving,... Read More

Can a Service Be a Commodity

Well Enron dealt with this a little for instance an... Read More

Four Ways To Work Out Business Disputes

Business owners have four options to resolve disputes with partners,... Read More

Negotiating Skills Will Get You Ahead

Negotiating skills can help you manage lots of different kinds... Read More

What Are The Four Types Of Negotiating Outcomes?

Negotiating outcomes are the types of results that can happen... Read More

Negotiations: The Art, Science, & Sport of Online Deals

Negotiations can seem as complex as physics, and in fact,... Read More

Negotiate Your Way to a Better Salary

1. Be persuasive: It's hard to force your boss to... Read More

Ask for More - You May Get More

If you are involved with sales, how do you feel... Read More

Communicating Across Time Horizons

There was a time in my life when I sold... Read More

Negotiation: A Compromising Position

Negotiating is a hot topic these days for a good... Read More

Neogtiation: How to be Right Without Making Other People Wrong

What exactly are we trying to accomplish by proving to... Read More

Negotiate Like a P.R.O.

Whether you're negotiating a peace settlement in a war-torn country... Read More

Better Internal Proposals

A colleague of mine has a problem. We belong to... Read More

How To Communicate Using Space

What Is Proxemics?The study of the communicative aspects of personal... Read More

Negotiating Technology Contracts

Have you ever tried to negotiate a deal for software,... Read More

How To Make An Inflexible Bureaucrat See You As A Person

Inflexible Bureaucrats Are Characterized by:1. Cares little about your happiness... Read More

Dont Be Afraid Of Silence

In any conversation with two or more people, there is... Read More

Negotiate to Your Advantage

The hardest and most important part of any negotiation is... Read More

So Whats Your Argument?

Arguments aren't always bad things. Sometimes They're used to convince... Read More

Barter and Its Benefits

What is Barter? Barter involves 2 parties. Each party wants... Read More

The Ultimate Truth in Persuasion

OK, so you want to improve your persuasion power right?Why?... Read More

How Barter Can Help Your Business Online or Offline

How Barter Can Help Your BusinessBarter trade is a powerful... Read More

National and Cultural Negotiation Style

Cultural and national negotiation styles reflect communication behaviors and the... Read More

How To Deal With A Complainer

How To Deal With A ComplainerA Complainer Is Characterized by:1.... Read More